Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
