I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
