My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
