wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
