im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
