remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Randomize
