All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
