how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
