I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
