Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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