I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
