I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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