This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
