i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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