fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
