goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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