how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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