i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
