Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
pop tarts are not kleenex
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
