I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
