I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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