my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
