I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
