Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
