I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
