That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
