Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
