Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
