I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
His nipple licking is glorious
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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