six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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