were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
