Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
