You can't motorboat a personality
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
