I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I am naked and annoyed.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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