Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
NoShamevember. You game?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
