Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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