Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
