Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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