she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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