: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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