When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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