And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
