Already got asked if we're dating
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
