My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have feelings that need drinking.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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