When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
