I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Holy sore nipples Batman
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
