Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
