You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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