I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
