Cold hands, warm shart.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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