Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
