Pants 0. Shit 1.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He uses pillows to masturbate.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
