Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
