dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
